I have heard women complain about how hard it is to do household chores, how hard it is to take care of children, how hard it is to have a married life. I have heard men complain less, but many spend time outside family, long times out and so on.

As a man I was able to understand men. The constant nagging of women, how it corrodes us and so on. As men, all we want is sex. Men are dogs and we want nothing more. We are genetically programmed to transmit our genes to many offspring’s as possible. If a man says he really likes / loves a woman and none other, then its a spoof, we are programmed to track, analyze and target all women from adulthood to death. Yup we may sugar coat it as love, marriage, family, dates and blah blah, it all depends on ones social and emotional quotient, but the base is the same animal instinct.

For woman I believed what they said about their difficulties. Now I feel I haven’t understood them. I got a job outside my city and accepted it. The first week of stay was sponsored by my company and now I am all by myself. Not in a hotel as before, but in a paying guest accommodation. In Chennai I was treated like Buddha in my family. All my friends drink, but they don’t to drink before me, I was eposed to almost no evil. Coming here I saw how a drunk would behave, I saw how much it would cost for a man to live. But two things went wrong.

First my friend Umashankar, when we ran the company Trumatics (http://trumatics.com), he said I was treated like God in Chennai and I would know the difficulty of living when I am out. I am out now, and am feeling happy and have the same feeling as living in Chennai. The theory that I would suffer when I go into an uncomfortable zone became false and wrong. I don’t know why. There is something in humanity to help, and that has kept me comfortable all the time.

The second is this, listening to women I thought family work was hard, but its not. I wash my cups and utensils, wash my clothes, and it looks fun at least to me. It does not look difficult at all. I don’t know why women complain.

I just began to think. There are two types of coding I do, the coding I like and coding I hate. It all depends on the love of the task I have to complete. Similarly I think doing household chores depends on the woman’s love for her husband, in-laws, kids and so on. If that love falters, the family crumbles.

One might think love is constant, but that’s not true, like a graph it sways. It depends on ones hormones, training of ones mind, what others say about the person you love, your ego and many factors. In fact the same circuits in the brain that is responsible for love is also responsible for hate, that’s why when the circuit switches you start to hate the person with same intensity as you loved that person. Sometimes your brain is so locked, love and hate becomes irreversible.

This begs the question. So what is marriage if love is not constant? All I can only say ‘I don’t know’. I simply don’t know. What I can say is, your love and hate for a person is independent of what relationship you have with them. The more intimate the relationship, the more intense is the feeling.

This also begs the question of woman’s freedom. In India, still, a woman is tied to a man if marriage has happened. Everything in her life is pinned around her husband, if she leaves her husband because of hate (which should be respected as well), she is blamed, and ashamed. Sometimes it’s the husband that abandons a woman, in that case its more pathetic.

I feel people don’t give as much attention to right of a person to hate another as they give respect and attention to right of a human to love another. The people who have respected and studied those who hated them have come up in life. Take the case of Alexander and Purushothaman, each studied each other in the battle of Hydrapass. Take for instance Indian freedom movement. Indian leaders never hated British, they simply wanted their self rule, whereas the Brits hated us, so they ran away when they realized no more money can be made in India. Take Nelson Mandela, he studied those who hated black, those wo hated whites and those who hated him. When he had the nation in his hand, he forgave them. He even forgave his own wife Winney. Almost all great people have studied hate, and studied those who hate them. So rather than getting pissed off by a hateful person, study them, it could give crucial information on how to take the next step in your life.

So what it tells to me about marriage. Well it’s simple. As a man I know that no man is fit to marry. Now I am beginning to realize almost no woman is fit to be married either. But ya, to have easy sex, people stick to what ever social framework and do what evolution has set us to do.